Blow the nights off

I dreamed that I was at Hawthorne's creek. He was standing beside me.

"Hello, Tia," he said.
I glanced at him, my eyes starting to water as I thought of the things I've been through recently and how strongly I'd wished I could see Hawthorne. I nodded, fearing I'd start crying if I said anything.
"I..." He trailed off. "I know things have been difficult, but I assure you that none of it is beyond your resilience."
As he spoke, I started to cry.
He blinked, then offered me a hug. I took his offer gladly.

After a while of hugging him, I stopped crying. As I wiped my tears, I said, "It's been so hard. I... God, I feel like shit. All I have is my own dreams. Isn't that stupid?"
"No, far from it. Your experiences are unique, but..." Hawthorne trailed off and looked down at the ground. "Not in the way you might want. I do not blame you for feeling upset or scared."
"Thank you. I- I just want to be normal. Happy. I..." I started to cry again.

When that happened, Hawthorne drew away. He slowly breathed in and out, then nodded at me.
Catching Hawthorne's drift, I followed his lead and breathed in, then out again. I've never found that kind of thing particularly effective, but it did the trick. Maybe it was just because of how understanding Hawthorne was being. Either way, I was calmer, at least, after that.

I sat down by the riverside like I had so many times now. Hawthorne joined me, and together, we watched the river as it flowed.

"Tia," he said, "I have to tell you something. I am not just a part of your dreaming mind, nor is the Parasite, the River, the Eye... anything relevant to the Elementals, really."
"...I can't deal with this," I said, standing up suddenly. "I can't deal with my brain messing with me like this."
Hawthorne stood up and started to say something, but he seemed to decide against it and sat down again.

I stood in silence, gazing at the clear water of Hawthorne's creek. There were still no fish, no plants, no frogs. There was nothing in the world of the River but myself and an unclear number of Dying Man shards.

Suddenly, I felt very alone.

"Hawthorne," I said, looking down at him, "I... I want to wake up."
Hawthorne nodded and snapped his fingers, and I was awake, staring at the ceiling and alone with my thoughts.

I could hear the sound of dogs growling and barking outside my door.

It was when I remembered that our apartment doesn't allow pets that I realized how much I wished I hadn't asked Hawthorne to wake me up, taking me back to a world that seems to have turned against me. But the malevolent laughter in my head kept me from falling asleep again.