Walk the fire

I was walking home from work when I saw a man in a white suit. He was pale as a corpse, with skin that seemed to be stretched too tightly over his bones. He had eyes tattooed all over. He turned to look at me as we passed one another, and I swear to God that his tattoos did the same.

Judgment. In the flesh.

His thin white lips curled back in a cruel smile.

"Tia Bravo Fuertes," he said as he passed me by. "We know your secret."
My fear was paralyzing. I couldn't do anything.

I could hear something inside my mind- a voice. It sounded like Hawthorne's. Tia, he said, would you like to come to the River?
I don't see what other choice I have.

Something took control of my hands and snapped my fingers, and the world melted away.

With that, I was in the River, in the flesh, for the first time in my life.

It looked just like it does in my dreams. A night sky, Hawthorne's clear black creek, moonlight just bright enough for us to see. By this point, it felt more like home than my apartment, as sad as that probably sounds.

Hawthorne was there beside me.
"...I guess a part of me knew," I said. About everything- you, the River, the Eye, everything- being real."
"I tried to tell you," Hawthorne replied. He tugged at his tie. "But perhaps I told you too late. Perhaps I should have tried to tell you that you are not alone, even if the Eye is waiting for you to tell someone whatever it is that it seeks to learn."

I sat down by Hawthorne's creek, trying to decide what to do.

"God," I said, "I feel like a jackass."
Hawthorne sat beside me and put a hand on my shoulder. "Don't."
"Easy for you to say. It's not you who's talking to a voice in your head that you didn't know was real until just now."
"...Yours is a fair assessment of the situation, I will admit." He sounded a little reluctant. "Nonetheless, I do not think you are being entirely fair with yourself. I share some of the blame, as it was only recently that I informed you of just how real the stakes were. Are, I should say."

I stared at the river as it flowed gently. It was too dark and too clear to reflect anything back.

Not to sound... well, pretentious, but I thought that was a pretty good picture of how I felt. Lost, with no idea of where I was.

I heard a laugh in my voice. I looked up to see the Parasite.

"So," she said to Hawthorne, "you've finally brought her here in the meat- in the flesh, I mean."
"Observant of you," Hawthorne replied.
"I don't think I've heard you use sarcasm before," I said as I picked up a smooth, flat stone from the riverbank and threw it at the surface of the water. (It sank immediately.)
"You provide me less occasion to use it than she does," Hawthorne said.
"Oh, come off it," said the Parasite.

I laid down, watching the night sky. There were no clouds, no stars, only the moon. It stared down like an eye. I shook my head, and the Parasite laughed.

"...That's your payment, isn't it? I asked. You could've made me hear and see things whenever you wanted. Why now?"
"The thrill of the chase," said the Parasite with a sharp-toothed grin. "A love for the hunt. You know how it is. After all, all my worst attributes are yours as well."
"Shut up."
"Sorry."
I wasn't convinced.

I got to thinking.

I knew I needed to evade or defeat the Eye somehow, but I didn't know how. I wasn't sure what secret I needed to protect from it, and even the Dying Man at his full power was unable to defeat the Eye.

Then I realized something I’d never told anyone. I’d known in my heart of hearts for so long, but I didn’t even fully accept it myself.

I'm scared of myself.

I'm scared of my intrusive thoughts, as I've only recently learned they're called. I'm scared they mean that I want to hurt people. I'm scared that, even if the Parasite can't control me, I’ll be somehow influenced to do the things I've seen replaying over and over in my mind ever since I met her. I'm scared of the things I see when I look in the mirror. I'm scared that when people whisper, they're whispering about me. I’m scared that they're right. I'm scared that the things I've seen of the Dying Man and the Eye and the River and the Tribunal mean I'm going insane.

No, I'm not just scared of myself. I'm terrified of myself.

As soon as I realized that, a light shone down from the sky, and thousands of eyes opened where the night sky was brightened.

The Eye still didn't know my secret. But it was getting closer.

Hawthorne, the Parasite, and I all stood and looked up at the light.
"No," said Hawthorne, "no, this isn’t right, this- how is it doing this?"
The Parasite turned to stare at me. "You... you did this, didn't you?"

The Parasite lunged at me like a feral animal and knocked me to the ground. She displayed her long, sharp, yellow fingernails when Hawthorne pulled her off me and stared her dead in the eye. She continued thrashing at him until he released his grip and pointed at the beam of light where the eyes were forming.

The Parasite lowered her head and growled. "I promise you, little girl, I'm going to rip you apart once I've dealt with these things."

Judgment stepped out of the light. There was a smirk on his eye-riddled face.

"Tia Bravo Fuertes," he said. "I've always wondered what it was like in the River."
"Well, well, look what the cat's dragged in," the Parasite said to Judgment, her bloody lips peeling back in a predatory smile. "I'm going to enjoy ripping you apart."
Judgment strode forward, his thousands of eyes all turned on the Parasite. "The Dying Man at his strongest could not destroy us. We burned him so that all that was left were ashes. Or have you forgotten?" Eye by eye, his gaze turned to Hawthorne, until at last all of them were on him. "And you, little man. You tried to protect her. You honestly thought you could stop me." He took Hawthorne by the throat and lifted him upwards.

I kneed Judgment in the groin. He dropped Hawthorne to the ground, but otherwise, he didn't react.

All of Judgment's eyes stared at me. "Now that, I haven't seen before," he said after several moments of the two of us staring at one another. "Your spirit is almost endearing. But it will not save you. We will know your secret, and your prince will suffer and die." He turned back to Hawthorne, and his hand started to burn.
Hawthorne's eyes widened in fear and pain as he watched Judgment reach down.

I punched Judgment in the face and helped Hawthorne to his feet as Judgment stumbled backwards. His entire body lit on fire.

Judgment started walking towards us again. The flames from his body grew brighter and brighter as he walked, and everywhere the light reached, eyes opened up. All of them were staring at me with a look of pure malice.

Hawthorne reached out to the creek and pulled upwards, the black waters surging up with the motion of his arm. He pointed at Judgment, and the water doused his flames. The River was plunged back into darkness, and the eyes closed and vanished.

Then, suddenly, the flames reignited brighter than they had before. Everything was illuminated, and everywhere I looked, eyes opened up to look at me.

Judgment laughed. "See now how pitiful you are, Hawthorne Crow. You are no prince of darkness, no incarnation of power and secrecy. You are the broken baron of the shade beneath a tree. You are weak. Nothing. Weaker even than the Dying Man I killed twenty-five years ago. I, however..." The flames grew brighter. "I will live as long as there are sins to punish, secrets to learn, wrongdoers to prosecute." His eyes turned on me. "And you, Tia Bravo Fuertes," he went on, his burning hand outstretched, "have committed the gravest sin of all: you hate yourself."

"That's not it," I said as I backed away.
Judgment shook his head. "You cannot hide forever, little one. It doesn't matter how much darkness you hide behind. The flames of truth pierce all shadows, and the eyes of judgment witness all wrongdoings. You hate yourself. Admit your guilt and your sentence will be made lesser. Try to deceive us, in vain as it might be, and your punishment will be made eternal."
"You don't have a goddamn clue what you're talking about."
"Then confess. What is it that draws me in? What are the shadows I see on your heart?"
"None of your fucking business," I said.

Judgment fell forward as a black tendril pierced through him. The fire surrounding his body was doused with the murky water of the Parasite's creek. The eyes around him closed and vanished one by one as darkness encroached on the light.

Behind Judgment, the Parasite smiled at Hawthorne and myself with a look of manic ecstasy on her face.

"That was... unexpected," said Judgment. The eyes that remained, those on his body, were widened in pain and shock. He tried to speak, but whatever he would have said didn't come out. All that did was a weak gasp of agony.

With that, Judgment faded into shadow.